Funk

In lieu of related media, please enjoy these pictures of
life size horse models and armour in the Tower of London
Wooden horses are circa 1685-1690 

For the last year I feel like I have been pretty positive about how much my area is improving when it comes to dressage and riding: horse friends, clinics, dressage show are all things that I didn't have here before but I do now and they are growing and getting better. However, lately I've been in a funk about how much we are still lacking.

In December a local instructor and one of my friends moved away to take a working student position with a big trainer in another city. Just last week I learned that one of my AA dressage friends is moving to another city as well, a place where she has already procured boarding for her horses at a dressage-specific barn that sounds totally drool-worthy. I am beyond thrilled for both of these friends for the positive changes they have made in their personal and horse lives, but it also makes me feel a bit sorry for myself to be the one left behind.

While things are slowly improving here, they are still miles behind many locations. One thing that makes that abundantly clear is the boarding options. I'm actively looking for a situation where Kachina would be happier, but it's a matter of choosing a lesser evil rather than a truly good option. I am being realistic in my hunt and trying not to hope for too much, but even my fairly basic list is hard to work with.

Priorities:
- indoor riding availability
- good horse care (with a really low definition meaning that someone will notice if my horse is bleeding or colicing)
- constant water supply
- hay in front of her for most of day (either via round bale, slow feed net, or just reliable feedings)
- decent sized pen/paddock/pasture with safe fencing (okay with almost any type of fence including barbed wire, as long as it is in good repair)
- a place to groom my horse where she can see or smell other horses

Of course there are other features of a barn that I would love but so far I haven't even been able to find a place that meets these basic requirements. I honestly don't know how I can whittle down these priorities farther, they really are pared down already. Notice that price and location aren't in the priority list? Even being willing to pay a bunch more and drive a bunch more don't help me find a better place and that really sucks.

I know I'm being whiny, but I'm really struggling to kick this funk. Once I'm in a funk like this I get discouraged by all things horsey and that makes me not want to ride, but of course riding is my happy place so not riding just makes me more depressed, and it's a vicious circle. I'm super stoked for longer days and warmer weather though (relatively, it is still Alberta, but I was driving with my windows down today because it was a sunny -4C) and I hope spring fever might be enough to break me out of this funk. In the meantime any pep talks or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Throwback Thursday (Way Back)

I was backing up my old computer onto an external hard drive this weekend and found some super old photos of me riding:

Circa 1995, the first time I ever sat on a horse (one of my cousin's broodmares)
It was clearly pure joy from the very start

2000 - the summer I got my first horse Ellie

2000

2003 - when I started to show on the local open circuit and did a bit of everything,
including barrels...

... and jumping

2004 - English pleasure

2004 - man, I was a dorky teenager

2004 - Western pleasure (this summer was the first time I started riding one handed,
we weren't very good at it yet) this photo also shows how out of our element
we were in the classes we competed in. I didn't realize it at the time but looking back
I can recognize how ill-equipped we were in knowledge and training, as well as attire

2004 - polo clinic in 4-H

2005 - a downed wire just about sliced Ellie's pastern in half
so we had a summer with a cast and rehab

Circa 2003, one of my favorite photos of Ellie and I

Circa 2005, finally slightly less dorky but still just as horse-crazy

2006 - 4-H show where we kind of looked half competent in both disciplines

In fall 2006 Ellie and moved off to University and that started us on a whole new path of discovering the horse world outside of our bubble, including eventually dressage (it didn't exist in my area at the time of these photos so it was a totally foreign concept to me)

Media

Sorry readers, there's been a lot of walls of text up here lately. Part is that it's just been too cold to take my fingers out of my gloves to operate my phone, then there's the fact that my horse is a fuzzy dirty beast who is not at her most photogenic. I've also just been lazy with getting photos actually transferred from phone to blog. However I do realize that media is kind of important so here you go! (No promises that these images won't be reused in following posts)

Cooling out after a lesson (it's easiest if I let her walk around on her own)

Frosty pony

Close up of her ridiculous floofy frosty forelock

Kachina somehow managed to scape her face,
 or as my friend put it "remove her eyebrows"
Not sure what happened but she didn't seem any worse for wear otherwise

Gifs from a recent lesson (choppiness is gif not reality)

Consistency in trot is coming

Canter still big and a bit unbalanced but transitions improving

Practicing the ever important "chase cat" test movement

Change of direction without losing rhythm or frame

February

Considering its the last day of a month where I have been terrible at blogging, here is a summary of my February:

Temperatures: -37C to 3C
There were only 2 days above freezing and most days had significant wind chills as well.
Yesterday was my warmest ride all month, I actually got to wear my real riding boots instead of my winter clunkers, but it was still cold enough that my phone battery died halfway through videoing my lesson.

Snowfall: 23cm
Adding to the snow from January and with drifts significantly deeper (which is why I gape with astonishment at all blog pictures showing outside riding)

Riding Lessons: 7
This was the month that Elaine was here for extended training (well technically Jan 26-Feb 27). I was scheduled for 8 lessons, 2 got cancelled due to extreme cold but I was able to squeeze in one extra at the end. I will post about these in more detail plus I actually have some media!

Days Out of the Country: 10
I haven't talked about this because it was a trip of mixed emotions and I didn't know what to say. Months ago 2 friends and I planned a 5 day trip to go and see a mutual friend of ours who is living in London, England. However, a week before the London trip, my aunt who lives in Ireland suddenly and unexpectedly died. I made a last minute change to my flight to get to Dublin and be with my family and be there for the funeral, but afterwards I still got myself to London to meet up with my friends. I'm grateful I was able to be in both places, but the juxtaposition of family and friends, happy and sad, Dublin and London, put me in a weird place that I'm still trying to sort through.

New Bosses: 1
My department at work is supposed to be 4 people (including supervisor). Between August and December we had one person quit and two people go on medical leave, leaving just myself. A new head of the department was finally hired which is probably (hopefully?) a good thing, but it's been an adjustment and is adding complications to an already busy time at work.

Here's hoping for a warmer and less complicated March!

Blog Hop: 30 Things You Might Not Know About Me

1. I love to travel, I have been to 20 countries so far and would love to expand that list.

2. My life goal is to be multi-lingual but I am terrible at learning languages. It took my friend several days to teach me how to properly count to 10 in Mandarin (tonal languages are hard yo!). I content myself with being able to belt out super random phrases in random languages, including: "watch out speedbump", "I have a flat tire", "My family looks like hobbits", "You are a cabbage head" in Dutch, German, Irish, and ASL respectively.

3. I keep detailed excel spreadsheets on lots of things from budgeting to horse shows to vacation plans.

4. Three years after finishing university I landed the type of job that I thought it would take half my career to get. I'm mostly appreciative of my job but part of me is sad that I got here too soon. I know I would be stupid to leave this position but I kind of wish I had experienced more before getting here, even if that included experiencing unemployment or jobs that had nothing to do with my field.

5. I'm not naturally talented at sports or music or anything like that, the number one thing comes easily to me is helping people through donating blood. I am a universal donor with O neg blood, I am CMV negative so they can give my blood to pregnant women and babies, my veins are easy to find, and I bleed fast. I've been donating blood since I turned 17 and I love feeling like I am making a difference.

6. I played the baritone in high school band.

7. My older sister died suddenly when she was walking across the street at a cross walk and a bus driver made an illegal turn and ran over her. She was 28 at the time, younger than I am now. My family has never been the same.

8. I have a fabulous gay brother-in-law who is a pastry chef and makes the most beautiful and delicious desserts.

9. I have an obsession with antique furniture. My house kind of looks like it is owned by a 90 year old but I love solid wood and ornate details. It makes me sad that so few people have appreciation for these pieces anymore but I will still take advantage of the cheap used prices.

10. If you buy a beautiful old piece of wood furniture and chalk paint it just to resell I will curse your name and your kijiji ad.

11. My 3 best friends live 800km, 3000km, and 7000km away respectively.

12. I am helping a friend to edit her first novel.

13. Growing up I would always have to immediately change clothes and shower as soon as I got home from the barn because my Dad, brother and sister all had varying allergies to cats and horses.

14. My old car broke down when I was in another city for a conference. I got it towed to the nearest dealership and once they gave me the bad news that it was dead dead (transmission was toast, wasn't worth the $8000 repair on a 20 year old car), I nonchalantly walked out of the service door, into the sales door and played it cool negotiating a good deal on a new car. I never revealed my desperation until after the ink was dry. (I legit had to buy a car that day so I could get home and make it to work the next day, but while I never technically lied, I didn't mention the broken car and played it off like I was just visiting the big city to look at cars as a possible upgrade)

15. My last job was as an oilfield tank inspector and we went to some crazy remote areas. We once drove 18 hours each way (last 2 hours were on ice roads through muskeg) to spend 1 hour inspecting 1 small tank.

16. My brother is a way cooler person than I will ever be.

17. Riding has been my most constant sport throughout my life (21 years and still going strong), but I also did Taekwon-do for 4 years, rugby for 9 years, and I'm going into my 5th year of dragonboating

18. I was bullied terribly in Junior High School, both physically and emotionally.

19. Procrastination is my biggest fault.

20. I was valedictorian of my high school.

21. I have gone parasailing, paragliding, and gliding, but bungee jumping and skydiving are still on my bucket list.

22. I cannot stand the taste of coffee.

23. Until 6 years ago I thought I was completely healthy and allergy-free, but since then I have discovered a minor cat allergy, a major penicillin allergy, and I was diagnosed with celiac disease.

24. My picture has been in the New York Times.

25. I am a Harry Potter nerd.

26. I learned calligraphy this year in order to address wedding invitations and I think it will become a new hobby.

27. I can hold my alcohol really well. I don't drink often but I can out-drink most people I meet and I don't get hangovers.

28. I can't currently sing but I want to learn.

29. My bedroom/closet is almost always untidy (I do laundry regularly, I just don't really ever put it away).

30. I once did an 11 day backpacking trip through Banff National Park, covering around 130 km while carrying a 75 pound pack and tackling 5+ mountain passes and multiple river crossings. It was a super intense experience that pushed me to my limits mentally and physically, but it left me with amazing memories and I'm still really proud of accomplishing it. 

WW: Charlotte Dujardin

I already have my ticket to audit and I'm excited!

Confidence and Getting Back On

No, this isn't a post about getting back on after a fall. There's been a lot of good stuff written about that already. This is about the more mundane, but sometimes equally challenging task of getting back on after some time away from the saddle.

On Friday I rode for the first time in six and a half weeks. Six weeks is a relatively minor period when you compare it to people who give their horses winters off, or those who leave horses for a prolonged period before getting back into riding; however, since I started riding at the age of 8, six weeks is about the longest I ever go without sitting in a saddle. I have had a small handful of riding gaps that long and they have been for a variety of reasons: horse rehab (x2), backpacking trip to Europe, extended field work for job, being between horses, and ground work bootcamp. This time was just due to a wicked combination of me being sick, having a major audit at work, the holiday season, and brutal cold weather. Since Dec 10th I have been out at the barn a number of times to check on Kachina or do quick lunging or groundwork sessions, but I didn't have the time or energy to actually get in a proper ride.

So, on Friday, I had some nerves about mounting up. I was surprised at how quickly my confidence had eroded. Of course it didn't help that Kachina was being a brat in the barn while I was trying to groom and tack up. I did a bit of lunging first as a precaution and while Kachina was spicy, she was also listening. I knew I needed to get back in the saddle at some point so I forced myself to climb aboard and breathe. I relied on my riding mantras for the first few minutes to make sure I wasn't transmitting my nerves to Kachina: "sit deep, legs quiet but on, forward thinking hands, maintain bend, don't trap with my hands, breathe". It only took a few minutes for the majority of my nerves to dissipate and for my relaxation to become real instead of faked. I was so proud of Kachina because before long I was able to get right back into some of the exercises we had been working on before the break. She immediately remembered what I was looking for and didn't seem to have lost any ground at all. Mindful of the cold weather and our reduced fitness levels I kept the ride to 30 minutes of just walk/trot, but I got off smiling.

While my confidence as a rider only took one ride to rebound this time, it got me thinking about how much harder it might be to battle nerves after a longer gap. If I end up being earthbound for 6 months at some point while growing a tiny human, how tough is it going to be to get back on after that? Of course in that instance I'd have a changed body to deal with as well. What would it be like to get back in the saddle after a serious injury or prolonged illness? How does the type of horse you have make a difference to the seriousness of breaks? For some horses who need a very structured program, getting back after even a week or two off might be a lot more challenging.

If any of you have stories about gaps in riding and how your confidence was affected I would love to hear them.